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My Husband is In Love with Another Woman! Helpful Advice for Wives
Author: Gillian Reynolds
"My husband is in love with another woman," is something you never imagined you'd hear yourself saying. He's cheated on you and now he tells you that it wasn't just about physical intimacy at all. He's developed feelings for the other woman and he's not sure what he wants for his future. Your life is in limbo and your heart is broken. Not only do you have to absorb the fact that he was unfaithful you also have to face the reality that his feelings don't just belong to you anymore. If he's not sure who he wants and you two have yet to decide to separate or divorce, there is still time to mend the relationship and get him back in love with only you.
If your husband is in love with another woman you can't ignore that fact. He's fallen for her and that makes his infidelity much more serious than if he was simply looking for something physical. He cares for the other woman and unless you handle this in just the right way, he'll likely leave you for her. Getting upset is understandable but can be damaging to the situation. He likely feels badly that this has happened but he also feels entitled to his feelings. Right now, a relationship with her may seem or feel much more alluring than staying in his marriage to you.
Try to be as calm as possible when you talk to him about her. It's obviously going to be incredibly painful so asking for details about what she's like or what she has that you don't have, isn't going to help. Most men who have affairs aren't comparing the two women in their minds. They aren't in search of someone who is younger, thinner or prettier. They simply are drawn into something with someone who offers them validation or makes them feel needed or wanted.
If you can carry yourself with dignity and self confidence through this that will impact your husband. He will see your inner strength and it will impress him. It will also show him that you are more than capable of moving forward in your life without him. To many men who have affairs, they believe that they hold the future of the marriage in their hands. They mistakenly believe that it's their decision whether or not they stay with their wives. Show your husband that's not the case in your relationship and you are ready to live without him.
In most cases when a man believes he has fallen in love with his mistress, that dream comes to a screeching halt once he realizes what he may lose at home. If you stay strong and focus on your own future happiness, your husband will be drawn back towards you. He'll remember why he married you and that other woman won't seem nearly as appealing anymore.
Husband had an affair with a younger woman?
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and I found out that for 2 months, my husband had an affair with a younger woman. She is 19 years old. My husband is 25, while I am 23. This girl lives in the same complex as my husband and I so I see her almost everyday. She is absolutely beautiful I have to admit. And I cannot get over my husband’s infidelity. It pains me to think that while I was at work trying to earn a paycheque for the both of us that my husband has been banging this girl.
Whenever I leave the house I have this fear that my husband may be cheating on me again. My husband doesn’t work because he has been laid off and the girl is a high school drop out so they both have plenty of time off. My husband has been saying that he regrets it so much and he confesses that it was her that came to his door basically putting out when I wasn’t home.
I know deep down I deserve better. But my confidence is so shattered right now. This girl actually had the audacity to write to me and say that my husband wanted something “much younger, fresher, and sexier and that she was the total package for him. She even wrote that note in such horrible English as well. What should I do? I am 23, and have been cheated on and I feel so confused and lost right now, please help! I invested 3 years in this marriage and I just don’t want to throw it all away… Any advice/ideas would help tremendously thank you.
If you leave you wasted 3 years now – if you stay another 20 years you’ll have wasted 23 years. He is an idiot – he’s exchanging a responsible, intelligent YOUNG WOMAN (you) for an uneducated irresponsible GIRL (her) and making stupid excuses blaming HER for HIS behavior. (He was NOT confessing – he just got caught and was squirming!) And she tries to say he prefers a younger woman? 4 years is younger? She’s barely legal! Pick yourself up, dust off your self-confidence, and get out now. You are still quite young and will surely be able to find someone better than this. You do not deserve what he has done. It will hurt to leave, but it will hurt even more later when he’s done this again and again.
My husband is having an affair with a younger woman–what should I do?
He began to act strange after 9 years of marriage. His constant complaints about me being too fat, my hair isn’t long enough. I don’t clean the house enough. No matter what, I wasn’t good enough. Over the last three months — he has left hotel receipts in our home (plan view); stayed out all night and has been seen by my brother and his wife with a younger woman having dinner. By the way, he hasn’t been owning up to his monetary responsibilities by paying his portion of the bills around the house (light/gas; telephone; car insurance; car payment, etc.) Is this a phase? Or should I just give up — there is our 12 year old son who is also in the middle of all this mess!
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How can I win back husband who’s having affair with young woman overseas?
When TDY, my husband (then 43) met a woman 1/2 his age overseas. Retired from military and took job in UAE. He got her a VISA and has been with her since. He is attracted to the foreign women because he has no accountability and rules. I still love my husband and want our marriage to work. He only calls me now about 1-2X weekly. He’s been seeing her for approximately 2.5 years on and off now. Anyway I can save my marriage since he is so far away from home. I don’t know what I should/shouldn’t say and/or tones in my voice I should use. I know if feeling pressured he easily closes up. I want him to come home and go to counselor with me. I married for better or for worse. Any ideas??? Thanks in advance
I get tired of hearing women try to force a relationship or try to make things “work” when clearly the person they are with wants nothing to do with them. It’s clear to me that your husband wants nothing to do with you and you just won’t accept that idea. How can you let your husband get a VISA for another woman? At this point it’s clear that he has moved on and you should do the same thing too.
The first step is to recognize that IT’S OVER! Snap out of the idea that you married for better of for worst, that’s what women did fifty years ago, and stayed and suffered next to a man who didn’t love them. On this day and age this doesn’t happened anymore. When someone has decided to “trade you in for a newer and better model” (not that it’s right) then that’s the end of the marriage. No if’s or but’s and it’s time to move on.
A marriage should be between two people who love each other and enjoy each other’s company, they work together to solve problems in the relationship and both contribute equally to keep the relationship alive. In your case he already has another woman that’s much younger and better looking (I’m just assuming she’s better looking, I really don’t know) than you and on top of this he doesn’t even live with you, he lives overseas!!!
Hate to say this (actually I don’t) but this marriage has been over for 2 ½ years. Just accept it, have some self respect and don’t beg a man that doesn’t deserve you.
Look at the bright side, with the divorce rate being as high as it is, it means that there’s plenty of old people such as yourself out there that are going through the same situation as you. Just remember that for every divorced woman there’s a divorced man out there. It shouldn’t be that hard to find someone else and maybe this time around you are wiser than before and can pick the right man this time. I suggest you read my 7 easy and simple steps to finding the right person to marry ( http://www.thelasthonestguy.com/archives/413 ) and start following the appropriate step.
At least you can take half of everything your husband has when you divorce him and be somewhat financially stable, which is probably the reason your husband hasn’t technically divorced you yet. I hope this helps and get an attorney soon, you’re going to need it.
How should I treat the woman my husband had an affair with?
My husband had a brief affair with a younger woman while at an event out of town (I was 32; she was 22.) Husband told me about the affair – lots of ups and downs – but we stayed together. I had to be around the younger woman for a weekend event 2 years later. I introduced myself and was very polite. She said I was “very nice” and she “felt bad” about what happened. I didn’t really want her pity – but we got through the weekend.
Fast forward to 3 years later. (Five years after the original affair.) My husband sees her again at another event and they start up a cell-phone/email relationship. I find out about it. Shit hits the fan … but we stay together (again).
Now one year later we are taking a trip to an event that this woman will be at! I don’t really want to “be nice” again – even though I know it is my husband (not her) who is the problem. However, the thought of being around her makes me ill! Should I ignore her? Say something catty? Swallow my pride and be nice
You are not required to “be nice” to this woman. The first time that they had a affair, you could give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn’t know about you, but the second time, she knew he was married and so the expectation of you being “nice” is out the window.
True your husband is part of the problem, but she is just as responsible for the second go round with your husband.
Don’t be nice to her, ignore her. Don’t make a scene, that will make you look foolish and immature. Just ignore her, go on like she isn’t there. There is no need to make everyone at the event uncomfortable and embarrassed because you want everyone there to know that this woman has little to brag about in the morals category.
The mark of a true lady is to make those around them as comfortable as possible, and by doing any less would be a disservice to yourself. Hold your head up high, and know that you’ve taken the higher ground and acted as a lady would, not a teenager in a ally cat fight.
I would however keep close tabs on your husband, don’t let him out of your sight. I am amazed that you trust him even a little bit. If it was me, I would suggest to my husband that she is off limits and that under no circumstances is he to be anywhere near her and not talking to her at all, even if he was to tell her that her hair was on fire. He should let it burn.
Do married men get over having an affair with a younger woman? Will he always think about her?
if your husband and father of two small children has a sexual relationship with a 28 year old girl… will he always be thinking about her? Or is he just a hormone hairy who just thinks about sex all the time with anyone, anywhere? Would it have been special to him at all, or can he move on and forget her?
thanks for any input.
Depends a lot on what the real cause for the affair was. How is/was your relationship with him? Does he have any emotional issues? Do you have any? Have you become less attractive? Is he having a mid life crisis? Are there any other insecurities… jobs, finances… stuff like that??
A lot of men have affairs to get a distraction from some nagging issues…. if that was the cause, he will forget her soon.
On the other hand, if there was something lacking in your relationship and he got some comfort and understanding from her, then he will remember her for a long time.